


Three Feelings

by Wannieg



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Mistaken Identity, Post-Mass Effect 3, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 12:53:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5375960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wannieg/pseuds/Wannieg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard and Miranda finally had made to the "normal life" they talked about. However when Shepard accidentally mistakes Oriana for her sister, he has to made a decision to what to tell to the love of his life.</p><p>Rated M because i wasn't sure. Some curse words and imply sex.</p><p>Very bad summary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Feelings

_How the hell did that happen?_

He finally have made it. After Saren, the Collectors, the whole freaking war (which was not made easier by having to do it without her). After the months in the hospital, and months searching his ship and friends. Then came the attacks of raiders while the relays still was being reconstructed and food and other necessities started run thin. He served then, comforted by knowing it was the last time. And then, finally the first relay was brought back online, and, once figure out how to do the first one, the others were reactivated easily. And then came the awards, the interviews that both the Alliance and the Council insists he has to made along with public appearances in almost every world he saved (which, when it comes to the savior of the galaxy can be quite a few).

Now, he finally was allowed to breath, to retire, to be with her. And then…

 _How the hell did that happen?_ He asked himself one more time.

One moment he was sound asleep, dreaming not the nightmares that lately have been terrorizing his unconscious mind, but instead one of his favorites moments, that first night in the engine room (minus impendent death). And then he felt a hand in his body bring him to a half awake state. And then she was atop of him. Those beautiful azure eyes, those high cheeks, her hair perfectly circling her head. Just perfect really, despite his claims to her that no one was and she shouldn’t demand of herself to be.

And then they kiss, and he knew there was something different on the kiss, but he let it go.  And their bodies started to moving, but it wasn’t the perfect dance (only dance he could make right, according to her) that they used to do it. No, she seems more enthusiastic and even, nervous? But he ignored that too.

The one thing though, the one that should have been the dead giveaway, the one which really should have made him stop though, was as he started to move to be inside of her and she moaned his name. Was just one short word, but he should have noticed the that accent that he treasure more the anything wasn’t there, however in his lustful still half in his dream state he also ignored.

And now John Shepard was doom.

* * *

Miranda Lawson was happy. Still sounded weird to her, but it was true. After everything, things had workout as good as she had any right to ask for. And it hadn’t been an easy road. Not only her less that orthodox childhood, but even the good things. Her sister, which if wasn’t for Shepard, she may never have had the chance to actually know. And even John himself.

She still remembered when they decided to start the relationship, how many fights they have over her loyalty to  Cerberus,  things got better after she quit (and just in time to not get indoctrinated herself), but then he was on trial and she was on the run. And then the Reapers came, and he was fighting and she was after her sister. She got relieved to find out he still wanted her, but she knew she couldn’t go with him on the Normandy. Oh he would have helped her, but she wouldn’t be able to help _him_ , she wouldn’t be able to focus on the hundreds of other things he had in his plate other that her sister. The thought had made her feel selfish, but it was true.

And then he saved both of them. She still remembered the felling on the ride to his ship. Oriana sited on her left side and Shepard on her right, and she had felt complete.

When the war was finally over, still so much was going on. First he was on the hospital and she stay with him through everything and then, way too soon for her, he was back in action but she didn’t accompanied, this time would have been selfish to do _that_ when her genius, along with her sister’s, could be better using aiding Earth and everyone else in the reconstructions and what nots.

And then everything was finished. And Shepard wanted her to move in with him on the Citadel apartment that he legally received from Anderson’s will. She was tempted but unsure. Oriana parents had died when their father kidnaped her and Miranda had been living with her sister since Sanctuary. But to Shepard there was no problem.

“Is a big place, bring her along” he said.

Miranda again wasn’t sure. There was something she never had told Shepard, and oblivious like only he could be (seriously, he dint noticed that half his crew seems to have a crush on him on the least and full blown passion at the most?) it was unnoticed to him that the younger Lawson had feelings for him. Miranda wasn’t worry about something happen though, her sister knew about the relationship (hell, she even helped indirectly) and never would do something to harm her, but she also didn’t want Oriana to suffer by seeing the two of them together.

Of course, the thought stayed with Miranda. Having both persons that she loved the most in the same place would be something else. And then she started to noticed changes on her baby sister. She started to let her hair growl more, started to diminish on the makeup, going for something more subtle. All at all, started to look more grown up like. And Miranda started to think that maybe her sister _were_ growing up and maybe what she felt for Shepard (lets faced, Miranda noticed that during those few months in between the Omega 4 Relay and the incident on the Bahak system when both her and Shepard had gone visit her sister a couple times) was long gone, just a girl’s crushed ended by the waken of a woman.

With that, Miranda made up her mind, asked her sister if she would be okay with the moving and soon the “Shepard’s Lair” had more Lawsons that Shepards (even if Miranda knew, by that one beautiful ring that she accidently found on one of Shepard drawers, he was planning to change that very soon).

And now Miranda Lawson was happy. 

* * *

Shepard stood on the bedroom that he shares with Miranda, rapidly grabbing the first piece of clothes that he could find. The girl was still on the bed, the bed he shares with her sister.

“Shepard” she started.

“Don’t!” he replied angrily. “You were even let me know was you if Miranda hadn’t send me that message? Or you would just let me think was her until i ended up accidently telling her? Tell me, what was your plan here?”

“I didn’t mean to” she say almost in tears.

“Didn’t mean to?! Seriously?” he asked in disbelief now fully dressed.

“I thought you were wake and I came to tell that Admiral Hackett asked you to call him as soon as possible, but then… I…” She trailed off of her explanation.

“Why? Oriana, why?”

“I don’t know. I had, _have_ this crush on you forever now.  Even before i met you. Did you know before my parents and I went to Illium we actually live in Elysium? During the Skyllian Blitz? I always saw you as my hero, and I don’t know. But since you and Randa got together I never _plan_ in doing a thing to get between you two!”

“And trick me in to think that you are her so you can sleep with me doesn’t count in get between us?!” he realized he was shouting now at the girl and then took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t be surprise if you and I were the only people in this galaxy that you sister truly loves. Now, tell me Oriana, how do you think that Miri is gonna take learning that we slept together?” Oriana started to shake her head at the thought but Shepard went on. “Even if she forgives me for not knowing that wasn’t her, which I doubt because I really should have, she still won’t be able to just forget about it. This will destroy her heart.”

“Then don’t tell her. I’ll move out, we will forget all about this and never speak of again. But _pleeease_ don’t tell her”

Shepard started to shake his head slowly. He didn’t know what to do, but he knew one thing for certain:

“I want to be with your sister for the rest of my life, make her happy, but I can’t do it by lying to her forever.”

“And you can’t make her happy by letting her know about this.”

“You’re right. Thanks a lot for this, Oriana” the retire commander said tiredly while started to leaving the room.

“What you gonna do?” she asked now with her tears running free.

“Dunno” was his simple answer before leaving. 

* * *

Shepard was on the office for hours now. His head spinning in large circles. Trying to find a way out of his situation. But there wasn’t one. He could lie, which was something he never been able to do it properly to her or wanted to. Or he could tell her the truth and destroy her heart.

Shepard was pretty sure that, if ever cheated on Miranda, she will be heartbroken, possibly never would forgive him, but with Oriana… That was a whole new level despite the fact he thought was Miranda.

“I should have known!” he said to himself for the one hundred time. And for the one hundred time was interrupted by the annoying ping of his console. Of someone calling him.

Finally the former commander decided to check who was so desperate to talk to him.

Right… Oriana had said something about the Admiral, haven’t she?

Taking a deep breath, he finally answer.

“Commander, good to finally have a hold of you”

“You shouldn’t been calling me that anymore, Admiral. But yeah, what can I do for you?”

“Well, about that. I know you just retire but…”

And the Admiral explain how the Batarians were getting together whatever was left of then which, by itself wasn’t such a big deal, but some other races that got the worse end of the war maybe joining up, and even had a talk about the Salarians doing too even though some STG had helped the war, they were getting a lot a bad looks for the whole “no helping as much could have” on the war effort. The Alliance, as well the Council seen to think that that could turn out to become a bigger problem, but they were no willing to go to another war so soon and so far all attempts in diplomacy have failed, so maybe, just this one more time, Shepard could take his all mighty way to handle things and help out?

“A few months, tops” add Hackett in the end “But we need you to go now”

“I’ll do it” Shepard answer.

He would not destroy Miranda heart. Would only break it instead.

* * *

It took a few more hours until Miranda got back from work, Shepard used the free time to gather whatever he would need to take with him. He didn’t saw Oriana for the rest of the day, for which he was thankful. He always have liked her, but right now… Right now…

He took a deep breath when he heard the front door open and she entered. The love of his life.

She looked even more beautiful now that she did last night, when he last saw her, when he last hold her, when he last was entitled to love her.

“Good to see you finally up” she joked while walking towards him. “You looked half dead when I left this morning and didn’t even answer my message. A least you finally got a good night of sleep.”

“Yeah” he said _and wake up in a nightmare_ , he add mentally. “Listen, I” but his words were cut short as Miranda put her hands around his neck and gave him a kiss. He was sure was supposed to be a simple kiss, one “I’m home and I missed you” kind of kiss. But having her right there he could not resist but to deepening the kiss, to put his arms around her waist and pull her for himself like he was never let go.  _One last kiss to last forever_ , he thought.

“Wow, Commander, someone is excited” she tease giving him that wink that drove him crazy over and over again. “Should we” she started in seductive tone but he interrupted her knowing full well where she were going with that and he knew, just as well, that if he had her one more time, he probably would never find the strength to go.

“No. Listen, come here” he asked getting away from her and sitting in the couch of the living room. Slightly confuse, Miranda follow. “Miri, listen”

“What is that?” she asked/interrupted him by pointing to a bag he left in the room.

“That is part of what I want to talk to you about” he took a deep breath. “Hackett call me. He need my help to”

“No” she interrupted him again and gain a pair of raising eyebrows from him. “John, you stopped, you’re retired. If you come back now, every time they need something they will come to you telling that is the last time. Don’t do it.”

“Miranda, it isn’t for one last time”

“Exactly”

“No, what I meant was… I’m going back to service.”

“What?!”

“It’s just… this isn’t working for me” he finally said, worry that she would see right through his bullshit.

“What isn’t?”

“You know, this whole normal stuff thing. Not my thing”

“John, we only been doing this for a few weeks, I hardly think that’s enough time to decide. I know it isn’t easy of a change, but we can do it.” She told him trying to reach for his hands, but he didn’t let her.

“Sorry” was all he said.

“Shepard…” she was clearly disappointed but then, with a shook of the head, she started talking again. “Fine, if you think that’s what you need. Ok. I never thought I would have the normal life, and I can live without. I probably would get bored anyway. I assume we leave soon?”

“We?” he asked confuse and she smile kindly.

“I know you would never ask me to go with you. With my job here and Ori. But I am _not_ leaving you.” She made a move to approach him, but he evade.

“Miranda…” he started with a deep breath. “There’s no “we” anymore. _I_ am going. Alone.” He finalized by looking away.

The former Cerberus Operative didn’t say anything for a while. When she did, she seem suddenly fully alert.

“John” she said pushing his head up, obliging him to look at her. “Talk to me.” She demanded, her gaze was intense observing every subtle move of his and he realizes what she was doing. A while back she made both of them to work in some codes, selected word, phrases and even body movement to let the other know when there was danger, when something was wrong, when the other was being obliged to do something against their will. But right now Shepard didn’t gave her any.

But he knew one thing, by the way she was looking on him, any attempt of a lie will be see right through, so he settle for a half true.

“I just don’t think we can work this one out”

“Work what out? Yesterday everything was fine, beyond fine, was perfect” she said and this time there was a hint of desperation on her voice that started to crackle on John soon-to-be-broken heart.

“It was” he couldn’t help but say.

“Then what the bloody hell?!” she demanded getting out of the couch, Shepard emulated her.

“It’s just… Ah damn it!” he didn’t know what to say. He was convinced that anything but the truth she would realized to be a lie, and the truth was just out of question. “Can’t you just accepted? Please.”

“No, John, I can’t! Not when is clear that you don’t want this either. If… if was way back, when we met each other again and I asked if I was still part of your plan, I could have accepted, would have hurt, but i would be able to walk away. But not now! Not after everything. You told me that you would always want me in your life even though you knew it wouldn’t be easy. So what has change?!”

He breathed deeply, but by the end he still didn’t have an answer. So he only shook his head, grab the bag and started to walk away. Her next words, however, made him stop, since in her voice was something that he was sure Miranda Lawson had never done in adult life, maybe in her whole life even.

“Shepard, _please_ ” she begged.

The former commander turn to see her. Her eyes full of tears, desperation on her face. And soon himself was emulating her, with tears in _his_ eyes but instead of desperation his expression betray something that the Great Commander Shepard felt few times in his life, a feeling of defeat.

 “We can work this out, whatever it is, we can solve it” Miranda continue it in the pleading voice so uncharacteristically of her.

“No, we can’t” he told her gently while letting his tears drops like hers and, by his next words, one could practically hear the sound of both of their hearts breaking. “We’re done.”

Shepard then start to leave again, with only the sobs of the woman he love following him. However, as he stepped in the corridor leading to the door he noticed Oriana right there on the corridor that lead to her bedroom and one of the stairs, tears is her eyes. He was going to ignore her, but she came to him, and whisper only to him to hear.

“Let me talk to her. I’ll tell Randa the truth. I swear. I’ll let her know it wasn’t your fault.”

“So we can hurt her even more? No. Let it be. Just… be her sister right now. Take care of her” he said and then he left.

Oriana cautiously walked into the living room to find a scene she never though would see. Her altogether supposedly cold hearted big sis was curl up in the couch, crying her eyes out. Carefully, Ori sat by her side, and Miranda almost immediately cling on her sister hugging her tight as if afraid she would leave without an explanation too. Oriana hug her back, and, like her sister, cry.

She just destroyed the life of the one person that love her the most, and that she, also, loved the most.

And now Oriana Lawson was overwhelmed with guilt.




**Author's Note:**

> Ok, people, so that was my first fanfic. Let me start by saying English is NOT my first language and I self-taught by watching TVShows/Movies/Youtube in the original idiom. I can understand very well, but when comes to me talk or write, no so much. So I wrote this one with some difficulty and lots of trips to google to see if i spelled right. But I’m sure there a lot of errors there. Sorry, if anyone want to help me out, I appreciate. Also let me know exactly HOW bad it is to understand (maybe is even illegible) and what do you think I need to work on.
> 
> Also, as I said, that’s my first Fanfic ever. I actually had a lot of prejudices about fanfics, but then I became utterly addicted to it in the last month or so in those of Mass Effect, had a lot of ideas to write and finally decide to try and let my silliness about the subject go especially because I’m in a terrible writers block and been months since I last wrote anything original. 
> 
> About this fic itself, I kind like it (although I think that last part could been improve, especially that last phrase, I wanted a stronger word to Oriana, but couldn’t think of one in the language). I put Mature because I wasn’t sure, so if you think that should be change, please let know. The same is applicable to the tags.
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you guys think and who knows, maybe I’ll write more (I’m been missing writing) but I honestly don’t know.


End file.
